Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
