this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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