i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
