What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
