she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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