I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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