drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
