I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
