I'm eating all of the evidence.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
