so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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