so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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