Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
