You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
