I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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