I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
