I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
