Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
