no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
