i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
