Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
