She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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