so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
