My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
