Got a toothbrush?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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