8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
