Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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