Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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