Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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