its not stalking. its research.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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