I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
