we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
