It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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