Why is your signature on my underwear?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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