She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
