At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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