Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
