your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
