D3 body, D1 cock
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
