Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
