Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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