I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My pussy is not your playground.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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