Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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