omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
