i wish my penis had a tongue
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
