But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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