i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
