I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
