Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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