Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
