2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am available for nakedness
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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