We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
