thus making me awesome and them whores
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
