I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think i have herpe
just one?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Im part way to drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
