I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
