i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
